


Tastes Like Flowers

by jayreii



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: ???? - Freeform, ?????, Also after, Although it's, Chapters are (sometimes very) small, Character Study, High School, Homophobic Language / F slur, Hurt/Comfort, I think that's it? - Freeform, Internalized Homophobia, It's almost underage? But whenever something happens it's of age/legal in that state, Light Angst, M/M, No charmac smut sorry :(, Religious Guilt, Smut, So yeah, Sorry i suck at tags!, The Charden is only platonic & sexual, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, i think, mac finds his pride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 11:33:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16809805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayreii/pseuds/jayreii
Summary: Charlie's feelings for Mac since he was 10 up until 4 months after Mac finds his pride and stuff that happens because of it. Basically Charlie's side of Mac's religious guilt growing up. I only write things with a happy ending so bare with.





	1. 7 - 10

**Author's Note:**

> There's like one scene per chapter.  
> Sorry about Dennis being in this, and his thing with Charlie. It's 100% a Charmac fic I swear.  
> Also please leave comments so I know if it's any good.

Throughout his life, Charlie had feelings for Mac. At some stages he didn't know what exactly the feelings were. But, they were strong enough that at some points stuff happened. It was very complicated. He went on to think that he messed up, doing whatever he did. His feelings and relationship with Mac was a long, confusing, complex, harsh burn.    
  
As they grew up, from as young as seven, they would hold hands. Not in a romantic way. And only when it was needed.   
  
It was needed a lot. Charlie and Mac would often cry, together or just one of them, in either of their rooms. Charlie would cry about a lot, but mainly about his uncle being over. Mac didn't cry as often, but he couldn't stop crying the night his dad left for prison. One of them would cry, they would hold hands, and the other would comfort them. Whether it be with a hug, holding them, or with reassuring words.    
  
The confusing feelings actually started when they were ten.   
  
The boys were sat next to each other in class. Charlie was super bored, as always, so he was in the middle of one of his doodles. This one was of two stick men, Charlie thought he needed to get better at drawing people. Currently he was adding to the hearts around them.   
  
He was using his arm to cover up his art because he didn't want Mac to see. Charlie was actually drawing him and Mac, that's who the two messy bunch of lines were supposed to be. But he didn't want Mac to figure that out.   
  
"Ow!" Charlie called out. Mac had hit him on the arm and caused Charlie to move away, showing the picture. "What'd you do that for?" Charlie asked.   
  
"What the fuck is that?" Mac had his own question, ignoring Charlie's, pointing at the drawing.    
  
"It's just two people." Charlie explained.   
  
"It's two dudes! You can't do that! That's gay!" Mac yelled, getting shushed by the teacher.    
  
"You don't know that. It's just two people. They're best friends. That's all." Charlie tried to explain, and it wasn't really a lie.   
  
"Who the fuck is it supposed to be then? They're holding hands!"   
  
"We hold hands..." Charlie whispered.   
  
"Shut up!" Mac hit him again. "You know we only do that for good reason! And girls hold hands with each other all the time!"   
  
"Yeah, I know." Charlie looked at the paper. "Exactly. They're just best friends. It isn't gay. I don't like dudes. I promise." Charlie lied.   
  
"Good. You better not be a fag, Charlie. God would hate that shit. You better not piss off God."   
  
"Okay..." His voice got quieter.   
  
Maybe Charlie wasn't gay. Maybe he just thought he had a crush on Mac because he was his best friend. His only friend. The only one that was there for him. And he loved him. Maybe the love was only platonic.   
  
_ Yeah. That's it. Plan-o-tone-ick _ . Charlie thought.    
  
He just didn't see anything wrong with being gay. But if that's what Mac thinks, and Charlie always agreed with and looked up to Mac. Then Charlie would try to understand where Mac was going from. He just, couldn't.    
  
Nevertheless, Charlie just dismissed the crush as loving Mac as his best friend, and nothing else. He couldn't even like Mac like that anyway, he wouldn't have him anymore. He needed Mac.

So the drawings stopped.


	2. 13 - 15

Charlie was straight now. At least he convinced himself he was. Until he started his teen years and his feelings got worse and unavoidable. Charlie tried to convince himself that he didn't like Mac in the weird way that Mac hates. He wouldn't mind being gay if Mac wasn't his best friend.   
  
He would cry at night, screaming into his pillow, trying to make the feelings go away.   
  
  
They were fourteen now and a gay couple moved in next door to Charlie. They were nice and friendly, Charlie liked them. He told Mac about it and he responded with, "Yeah? So what?"   
  
_ Oh _ .

Maybe Mac didn't hate gay people anymore. Maybe he grew up now and realised it was okay. The thought made Charlie realise that he might actually be gay and that's okay. He was debating whether Mac would still hate him if he was gay. He would need time to think about it though.    
  
"They better not convert you into their faggy lifestyle."    
  
_ Fuck. Nevermind _ .   
  
  
Now they were 15. Charlie knew who he was now. He could no longer deny it to himself. Although he denied it to everyone else, in case Mac found out. Charlie needed Mac in his life too badly to lose him.   
  
Mac had just become the school's resident drug dealer by snitching on the others. So, he had some spare weed he and Charlie were going to do in Mac's bedroom.   
  
The two were sharing the bud and had been doing so for a while at this point. Mac had the joint in his hand, smoking it for a good amount of time. He blew the smoke out and it landed on Charlie's face.   
  
"Come on, man. You're hogging it. Let me have a go." Charlie complained.   
  
"Hmm." Mac pretended to think, when in reality his mind was blank and just said whatever came out. "Let's do blowbacks. So the smoke I puff out ain't wasted."   
  
"How'd you do that?"   
  
Mac moved closer to Charlie and put a hand on his jaw, indicating him to open it. He did so and Mac took a blow of the joint and blew right into Charlie's mouth. Charlie was leaning closer towards Mac, and their lips were only about two inches away from each other.   
  
Charlie stayed still, frozen, heart racing, grateful but confused by the close proximity. Mac closed his eyes and leaned in, so now their lips were only one inch away from each other. Charlie closed his eyes too, awaiting for more. It was happening slowly, but now there was only half an inch between the two. Mac had a hand on Charlie's leg and the other hand dropped towards the floor with the blunt barely still between his fingers.    
  
Charlie was in the middle of his confusion as to why Mac was about to kiss him, because at this point he decided that is what's happening, and the door slammed open.    
  
"Yo, cunts. You got that weed?"   
  
It was Dennis.   
  
As soon as Mac heard the door, he moved away, now sat inches from Charlie, and whacked him on the arm. "Get away from me dude." Mac called out to Charlie. "Freak."   
  
Charlie didn't say anything. He was stuck as he was.   
  
"Dudes, what's up? I just want weed." Dennis stated. He didn't actually see what was going on, or was too oblivious and distracted with his thoughts to realise.    
  
"Nothing." Mac voiced and passed the bud over to Dennis. "Here."   
  
"Sweet, thanks."   
  
  
Mac tried to kiss him. They almost kissed. Was Mac gay? Charlie was more confused than ever now. He thought about it. It made sense. Mac was actually gay himself but cared too much about his religion to admit it. Did Mac even know he was gay himself? He has such a harsh attitude he definitely would deny it to that extent.   
  
Charlie quickly decided he wasn't going to bring this up to Mac. That conversation wouldn't go well and he wasn't confident enough to do so. He just hoped that something like that would happen again and wished that Dennis would have never barged in.    
  
This changed everything.   
  
However, after this, Mac grew a little distant. He wasn't as touchy with Charlie anymore, and the occasional hand holding for support stopped completely. 


	3. 16

Now they were 16. Charlie was now old enough to have a grasp about what was going on. He knew he was gay. Well, not exactly. He didn't really have a label for what he was, but he knew he was in love with his best friend. And that's all that really mattered to him. Charlie couldn't even think about anyone else. He knew Mac was secretly gay too, thanks to that almost kiss putting all the pieces together. It's the only thing that made sense.    
  
Mac and Charlie were in Mac's room one night. They already had a few beers, so they were drunk enough on those. Before Charlie came over he got high on glue, only because of habit.   
Now they were getting high on the weed Mac had left over from his weekly drug dealing business.   
  
Charlie's head was a mess. Glue, alcohol and now weed all at the same time. That mixed in with all the hormones he recently got flooded with. He looked down at the bottom half of Mac. It was a hot day, so they weren't wearing much. Mac was only in boxers and a tank top and Charlie was in jean shorts and a short sleeved top. The fact that Charlie was drunk, high, and horny from looking at Mac like that with his newly discovered hormones, gave the boy a lot of confidence.   
  
He moved closer to Mac, legs touching and wrapped an arm around him. Mac took the bud out of his mouth to speak. "You alright, dude?"   
  
Charlie hummed in response and took the blunt out of Mac's hand for a quick drag before giving it back. He then looked down at Mac's lap, and got too turned on to care anymore. One of his hands ended up on Mac's thigh, just underneath his boxers. He then moved his hand towards Mac's inner thigh and squeezed.   
  
It took Mac until that moment to have any reaction. He moved Charlie's hand away and yelled. "Dude, what the fuck?!"    
  
"Come on, man. I'm so fuckin' horny. I know you want this. I remember."   
  
"What the shit are you talking about, Charlie?" Mac moved further away. "Are you gay?!"   
  
"Uh, kinda. But so are you." Charlie explained.   
  
Mac stood up, outraged. "What the fuck?! No I'm not! Why would you say that?"    
  
"Last year, you... you tried to kiss me."   
  
"No I didn't!" Mac lied. "Why the fuck would I do that? Don't make that shit up! Gross!”   
  
"But... Don't deny it, man. Come on, Mac. Please." Charlie begged, his heart sobbing, eyes almost doing so too.   
  
"Don't be faggy, Charlie. You're not gay. You're just horny and pumped up on all those hormones and shit. I get it! You're also drunk and high as fuck!"   
  
Charlie didn't say anything in response, he just looked down, giving up.   
  
Mac continued. "You just need to watch porn and jack off." He explained. "So, just, get out of my house and do that!"   
  
Charlie looked up at Mac with a confused look.   
  
"Go, dude! You can't stay here when you're like this. We can just forget this ever happened. It's cool. Go watch some porn that'll remind you that you're not gay."   
  
Charlie took a deep breath in and out and stood up. "Whatever." Then left.    
  
Maybe Mac had a point.   
  


He didn't. But Charlie wasn't totally sure anymore. 

  
After that, they pretended it never happened. But Mac got even more distant. They would hardly hang out alone together, especially when alcohol or drugs were involved. Now Mac would always invite Dennis over so they were never alone. And it broke Charlie's heart.

  
  



	4. 17

Now Charlie was 17 and trying to forget about Mac. He realised his feelings for Mac were actual love and that sucked. They were still best friends but now he and Dennis were in Dennis' room getting high. Mac was really annoying Dennis, so he stole some weed from his shitty school business and asked if Charlie wanted to get high together. Obviously he said yes, so here they were.   
  
They were both sat on Dennis' double bed, surprisingly close to one another. Mainly because Dennis could only find enough weed to make one joint, so they had to share. So they were sat close together, lying next to each other on the bed.    
  
Dennis took a big huff and ended up with one hand on Charlie's leg. It was summer, so he was wearing shorts. He turned his head and passed the joint to Charlie.   
  
Charlie took it and looked down at where Dennis' hand was, confused, but let it happen.    
  
After a minute more of passing it back and forth, Dennis rubbed his hand, going into Charlie's inner thigh.   
  
This turned Charlie on slightly, so he turned to Dennis and spoke up. "Dude?"   
  
"Yeah?"    
  
"Whatcha tryna do?"   
  
"I dunno, but it feels nice, right?"   
  
"I mean, yeah."   
  
"Yeah?" Dennis asked. "So, can I..?" Without elaborating Dennis moved so he was sat on Charlie's lap, grinding against him, with the joint in his mouth.   
  
"Holy shit, Den. Weed gets you so horny, man."   
  
"Yeah, whatever. Shut up."   
  
"Alright. This is fine by me."   
  
"Yeah, this is cool?" Dennis questioned, giving the blunt to Charlie while dry humping him even faster.    
  
"Yeah." Charlie breathed after taking a huff.   
  
"Can I fuck you then?"    
  
Charlie's eyes shot up at that. That was blunt.    
He thought about it. He didn't really like Dennis, although that was probably due to jealousy of Mac being obsessed with him for some reason. Including plenty other petty reasons. Dennis was an asshole though, so his resentment was justified. But, Dennis was his friend, and was there for him sometimes.    
  
Charlie didn't want Dennis to fuck him. He didn't love him. He wanted Mac. He loved Mac. But, Mac would never allow that to happen. So he might as well just let Dennis do whatever and pretend it's Mac. That would be something.    
  
"Fuck it." Charlie decided, taking a good huff of the joint before laying it on the side table. "Sure. Fuck me."   
  
Dennis was a little shocked by this but instantly went back into his seductive mode. "Awesome."   
  
Dennis removed Charlie's pants, his own, and the rest of their clothes eventually got taken off.    
  
Charlie was now all prepped, lubed up and ready and they were about to fuck.   
  
Dennis started thrusting into Charlie and the latter shut his eyes tight. Charlie screamed aloud at the pain but he was not really thinking about what he was doing. He called out at the feeling, "Ah! Mac!"   
  
As soon as Charlie said that name Dennis stopped his movements. "Dude." He started then paused for breath. "What the fuck did you just say?"   
  
"Uh..."  _ Shit _ . Charlie fucked up. He didn't know how to explain himself.    
  
"Are you... are you imagining it's Mac fucking you instead?"   
  
Charlie's face was red and he just shrugged.   
  
"Dude. That's fucked up." Dennis announced.   
  
"I don't know, sorry! Just continue, man!"   
  
"I will..." Dennis reassured. "In a minute. Now. Do you like Mac?"   
  
"Maybe a little bit..." Charlie softly spoke.   
  
"Holy shit, man. That's interesting info."   
  
"Yeah, whatever. Just fuck me, man. Mac isn't here, is he? That's you." Charlie reminded.   
  
"Yeah." Dennis got back into the mood and grabbed Charlie's neck, and starting fucking into him again. "Say  _ my _ name." He demanded.   
  
"Ah, fuck, Dennis!" Charlie screamed.   
  
  
This would happen occasionally after that night. You would've called them friends with benefits. Really weird, complicated, benefits. But they didn't call it anything.    
It only happened when they were high, or drunk and alone. And they were with Mac most of the time anyway. Which made the whole situation even more fucked up.   
  
Charlie and Dennis didn't talk about their feelings after that night either, so Dennis never really knew what was up with the whole Mac thing at this point. He didn't really want to know, it made him kinda jealous, for some reason. He wasn't sure which side he was jealous of, maybe both.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Mac in this chapter


	5. 18

They were all 18 now and Charlie and Dennis still had their arrangement. One night after they got drunk alone together and had sex, it was too late for Charlie to go home, so he slept over at Dennis'.   
  
Dennis woke up at around 3am to the sound of sobs. It was Charlie, sitting on the other side of the bed, crying into his knees. Dennis rubbed his eyes before sitting over closer to him.   
  
"Charlie?" He put a arm on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"   
  
Charlie looked at Dennis. "I dunno. It's nothing. It's stupid."   
  
"Come on, man." He yawned. "It's gotta be something. You woke me up."   
  
"Well, sorry." Charlie stated, somewhat sarcastic.    
  
"I didn't mean it like that, dude. Just tell me."   
  
"It's Mac."    
  
"What did he do?"   
  
"He didn't do anything. I just..."   
  
"Is this about the whole, wishing you were having sex with Mac instead of me thing from the start of this?" Dennis questioned.   
  
"Kinda. Yeah. I just... I love him, man."    
  
Dennis was a little shocked at that. "I didn't realise it was that serious. Sorry." Dennis didn't really know what to do or how to reassure Charlie. The hand on his shoulder moved and it went around his neck, holding him closer.   
  
"Mac's the only reason I'm doing this shit with you, man. I wouldn't have an urge to do this. But, I just, I wanna be with him so badly. Like in everyway... But I tried it. He's too fucking scared. He won't even admit he's gay. I know there's something there man. I'm not stupid. He tried to kiss me when we were 15. That's gotta mean something, right?"   
  
"Yeah." Dennis answered, gathering all this new information. "Look. Charlie. He's still your best friend, right?"   
  
Charlie rubbed his wet eyes. "Yeah."    
  
"And you guys do everything together. You basically act like you're in a relationship already minus all the kissing and sex stuff."   
  
"And?"   
  
"Well, that's what you have me for. So, like, your friendship with Mac and whatever you have with me, like, all together, works out as a whole relationship, doesn't it?"   
  
"That's weird, dude." Charlie eyes were almost fully dry now. "We aren't even romantic. We only kiss during sex."   
  
"Nah. It makes sense." Dennis reassured. "You're cool. And I will do all that romantic kissing and holding you stuff so you feel better. Between the two of us you've got a whole ass good thing going for you there."   
  
"I guess. But it's still not the same."   
  
"Well it's gotta be good enough, pal." Dennis squeezed Charlie and kissed him on the head. "There."    
  
"Thanks." Is all Charlie said. Dennis was helping. Or trying to help, and that meant a lot to Charlie. Maybe Dennis was right.    
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry they'll be a lot more Mac later


	6. 19 - 30

High school was over now and Charlie was going to be left alone with Mac. Dennis went off to college. Charlie no longer had him as a support structure.    
  
He no longer got fucked while pretending he was actually having sex with Mac.    
  
He no longer had the kisses and cuddles Dennis only gave him to make Charlie feel better. Dennis wasn't heartless all the time, at least he wasn't when it came to his little buddy. There was something about Charlie that gave Dennis a little bit of emotion. Their relationship was strictly platonic and sexual though. Dennis just had a sweet spot for Charlie.    
  
But he was gone now.   
  
He'd have to find that somewhere else.    
  
Or, give his attention and devotion to someone else to get his mind off Mac. Due to being unable to find it somewhere else.   
That's when The Waitress came in. He tried to pursue her, convinced himself he liked her. He did, a bit, she was cute. But he wasn't actually in love with her like he convinced himself and everyone else he was. Charlie got a bit overboard with his displays of affection there, due to him not being smart enough to understand the boundaries.    
  
Charlie eventually hid and repressed his feelings for Mac as he got into adulthood. So much so he couldn't really feel them as intensely anymore. Maybe they faded away, Charlie didn't know, but he didn't want to think about it.   
  
Mac and Charlie remained best friends after high school ended, and their friendship grew even stronger because Dennis was no longer there to get in the middle of them. Charlie could tell Mac was into Dennis and was slightly glad that he was gone in that aspect. Even if it meant he would no longer have him for their relationship agreement.   
  
College ended. Dennis came back. Eventually Dennis got Charlie alone and told him that he's actually straight, and what happened in high school was just  _ 'experimenting' _ ,  _ 'being a good friend' _ and  _ 'it won't happen again' _ .   
  
Dennis told Charlie that he would keep his love for Mac a secret. Charlie quickly explained that he doesn't even like Mac like that. That it was just a weird confusion of emotions back in high school and wasn't even real. And that he's straight. He's straight now.    
  
They all just acted as usual, like normal friends for a while. Everyone acted straight and nothing was out of the ordinary. Charlie isn't in love with Mac anymore. Dennis and Charlie haven't had sex for over 10 years.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of dialogue.


	7. 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't really need to exist but I added it because fuck Dennis. Literally. And Charlie agrees.

That is, until they're in their mid 30's and Charlie and Dennis are in the office of the bar, alone, smoking weed at night.    
  
Charlie is sat on the desk and Dennis is stood up, in front of him. They're close and Dennis is leaning forward. Talking about nothing and everything, whatever comes out of his mouth, with the blunt hanging out there loosely. Charlie isn't listening, he's thinking about the sewers, then cats, then a joke Mac said earlier, then how pretty Dennis' lips are and  _ fuck _ . Dennis has a hand on Charlie's leg. Since when was that there? Charlie only noticed it but the hand had actually been there a while. That was probably why Charlie was thinking about his lips.    
  


The hand moved and was replaced with Dennis' crotch. Dennis pushed his crotch up against Charlie's leg and was grinding up against him.   
  
Charlie giggled. "What are we, 18 again? You still get horny as fuck on weed, man. You're so weird."    
  
Dennis didn't stop. In fact he got even worse. "Yeah, whatever, dude. I can't help it."   
  
Charlie pushed Dennis gently, not actually doing anything. "If we're gonna do this." Charlie started. "We're gonna do it my way."   
  
"What?"   
  
"You never let me fuck you. I'm looking at you now and you're such a fucking bottom." Charlie called out.   
  
Dennis gulped. "Yeah?"   
  
"Yeah. You gotta let me fuck you?"   
  
"Sure. I'm so fucking horny, I'll do anything."   
  
Charlie smiled. "Good to know."   
  
  
Charlie got Dennis sprawled out on the desk that night and roughly fucked him. He dominated him, restrained him, did whatever he wanted. Dennis was begging for all of it. Charlie spat into his mouth a few times and Dennis liked that a little too much. He shoved his dick in his mouth, made him choke. Came all over him. Degraded him. Just what that bastard deserved.    
  
Fucking Dennis that night meant a lot of different things to Charlie. It was both a punishment and reward. He always wanted Dennis to get fucked, figuratively, now he's done it literally. He was a horrible person. Charlie also resented him for Mac loving him more than he loved Charlie himself. He basically stole his best friend. Charlie wasn't stupid. He knew how in love Mac was with Dennis. That wasn't really Dennis' fault, but Dennis was too much of a cunt for Charlie to care. He also still hated him for walking in that one time on him and Mac when they were 15, on what would have been Charlie's first kiss.    
  
Charlie hated Dennis, but he couldn't hate him too much. He did help him in a hard time in his life. He was there for him in his late teens when no one else was. It only lasted a year, and it wasn't just the sex, but the reassurance and affection Charlie knew Dennis faked to keep him happy. That meant everything to Charlie.    
  
So it was a reward, for that, but also subconsciously a punishment. It was a weird, fucked up thought process. Though Charlie wasn't thinking much. However you want to word it. That's why he did it.   
  
  
That never happened again. They didn't even talk about it afterwards. The two just pretended it never happened. It took them a couple of days to be able to look each other in the eyes.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just needed to do this at least once sorry. All the (not one sided) charmac is in the next chapters now promise


	8. 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer (better) chapter

They were 40 now. Mac finally came out to the gang. For good this time.   
  
Charlie thought about this being the right time to actually come out (for the second time) to Mac. And maybe even admit his feelings for him. Which, at this point, he wasn't even sure what the feelings were exactly. As he repressed and hid his feelings for so long that he doesn't even know how he feels anymore. There are still some feelings there though, Charlie could feel that much at least.   
  
However, this was Mac's time. It was all about him and everyone, Charlie obviously included, being proud of Mac for eventually admitting who he is. He didn't want make everything about him, when it was supposed to be about Mac.   
  
It was a little bit hypocritical of Charlie to keep on joking about Mac coming out and back in the closet. As Charlie himself kept whatever he was a secret too.   
  
There was also the matter that it was extremely obvious that Mac was obsessed with Dennis. Whatever feelings Mac had back when he tried to kiss Charlie when they were 15, vanished and Mac became too into Dennis to not give one fuck about Charlie anymore. At least, that's how Charlie felt.   
So, there was no point coming out or telling Mac he has feelings for him. Because Mac didn't like him, he wasn't Dennis. He would just be rejected and would regret everything.   
  
So, he kept quiet. It was better that way. He was straight now, apparently.   
  
That's why he still didn't say anything to Mac or try to start anything with him, after he came out.   
  
The drawings that he did when he was 10, of him and Mac, appeared again. As Charlie was no longer as scared about being caught with them. He still hid them though. They were more accurate in the fact that it was supposed to be Mac and Charlie.   
  
However, the year after Mac came out, he finally came out to his father. He did it through a dance routine portraying how he felt through his journey.   
  
Frank stole the prison security footage to show the rest of the gang the dance.   
  
Frank gave it to Charlie last, and because of this, he kept it.   
  
Charlie watched the footage the night Mac came out to his dad, alone in his apartment.   
  
That shit was inspiring.   
  
He cried, a lot. Frank told him what Mac's dad did and Charlie was absolutely disgusted. Honestly, he didn't expect much from him, but he still hated him.   
  
Charlie spent the night alone wrapped up in his bed, watching the tape on repeat, crying. Crying for a lot of reasons. Sometimes no reason. Sometimes because he was thinking about how Luther reacted. Sometimes because how beautiful the dance was. Sometimes because he could feel the pain Mac was portraying in the dance. Sometimes because he felt really bad for Mac and everything he had to go through. Sometimes because he was so proud of him.   
  
Some of it was selfish. Charlie was also feeling sorry for himself for what he had to go through because of Mac's denial and hatred he got the end of when they were younger. Even up until now. Charlie also had his own side of Mac's religious guilt because of his sexuality.   
  
He had to go through his whole life from childhood trying to hide himself from his best friend, because if he told Mac who he was he would hate him. He tried to come out once, and Mac shut him down. So he never tried again and pretended he was straight. He couldn't lose Mac, he was all Charlie had.   
So he shut up. And as he got older it wasn't any easier, especially since Charlie had to watch Mac being blindly in love with Dennis for the majority of his life.   
  
But this wasn't about him. It was about Mac.   
And he was mainly thinking about Mac. About how he had to go through the hardest time accepting himself his entire life. And how he has come so far, and ended up the best he could be.   
  
But it hurt.   


  
Mac also spent that night, after he came back from prison, crying.

The day after, he went into work only because Frank had told him he was going to show the gang the tape, and Mac wanted to know everyone's thoughts.  
  
Mac finally got himself together and went to work at around 1pm. Although he wasn't actually going to do any work. The whole gang bar except Charlie were there. That was disappointing.   
  
He walked up to Dennis and confronted him. "Hey."   
  
"Hey." Dennis replied, not looking up at him.   
  
"So, did you see the tape?"   
  
"Oh. Frank gave me it. I started it but like, I don't really care about dance. Couldn't get into it. So I watched like a few seconds and gave up. I'm sure other people liked it. Frank certainly did." Dennis laughed.   
  
... _Oh. That one stung._   
  
"You knew what it was about, though?"   
  
"Yeah. Frank told me. Good job doing that, man." He patted Mac on the shoulder.   
  
Mac gave a fake, small smile. "Thanks."   
  
Well, that sucked. Mac was very confused. He was supposed to be over Dennis. He was working hard on doing so. And he _was_ over him. It just, still got to him. Dennis was such an asshole and didn't deserve any of Mac's love, that he doesn't even accept or appreciate. Mac hated Dennis. And Dennis hated Mac, but also had weird feelings for Mac that he didn't understand. But he was still Mac’s best friend, at least Dennis was his, and he has been in love with him for years. He figured that out pretty soon after accepting his sexuality.   
  
Mac eventually convinced himself that he no longer cares. Which was true, in a way. He then thought about who he actually does care about. And who he doesn't hate. Who he loves. Charlie.   
  
There was debate on how Mac loved Charlie. Mac was too busy dealing with everything else to really think about it deeply before. He was always confused in that aspect, especially since his weird infatuation with Dennis took over, and he had other things he had to deal with. But Mac’s feelings towards Charlie were too strong to be anything other than actual love, and he realised this after he accepted himself. Now Dennis was making him feel bad.   
  
Charlie would make him feel better.   
  
Although he still hadn't shown up to the bar and at this point, he probably wouldn't all day. So, he made his way over to Charlie's apartment.

Mac knocked on the door, and Charlie, still in bed, told him that the door was open.

So, he left himself in. When Charlie saw it was Mac, he lit up, beamed, “Mac!” and immediately went over to him. He gave Mac a hug from around his neck and put his head into him, needing to go on his tiptoes to do so.

Mac was touched that Charlie was so happy to see him and was so shocked that he didn't hug Charlie back.

Suddenly, Charlie got emotional. “Frank told me what happened with your dad. And he gave me the tape.” He paused for a second. “I always hated him.” All of a sudden Charlie had tears in his eyes.

“Dude, are you crying?”

Charlie released from the hug and Mac felt disappointment and regretted not hugging him back when he had the chance.

“No.” He lied as he let go and then went to lay on the bed.

Mac followed, joining Charlie, laying next to him. “I should be the one crying.”

“Well, you can.” Charlie rubbed his eyes. “Sorry.”

“It's okay, dude.” Mac put a hand on Charlie's shoulder. “Cry all you want if you need to.”

“I just-.” Charlie started. “I'm just so proud of you, man. Like, that shit took courage. And it was amazing. Your dad sucks. I can't believe he did that. That's fucked up.” By the end of his statement, Charlie was sobbing. Mac started to tear up too at the sight and the emotions of the topic coming back to surface.

At this moment, looking at Charlie, Mac knew for sure that he was definitely in love with him. His heart hurt at the sight of the man he's loved for thirty years crying his poor little heart out. And Charlie was crying because he felt for him. He cared about Mac. No one else did. Charlie was also just being too nice and supportive, that he was the only person that Mac could think about. All he wanted to do was to protect and love him. To hold him, make him happy. No one else mattered.

“Come here, dude.” Mac gently pulled Charlie in for a hug. “Thanks, Charlie.” He held him for a second, crying more with him.

“No problem, man. Frank gave me the tape last so I kept it. I watched it on repeat for ages. I'm obsessed. You're so good. I just fucking watched it and cried.”

 _I love you so much_. Charlie thought at Mac, continuing in his head.

“That means a lot, man.” Mac let go off Charlie and stopped crying, wiping his own eyes.

Charlie was still sniffling and coming to the end of his tears. Mac wiped them away for him, asking, “Are you okay?”

“If you are.”

“I'll be okay once you stop crying.”

Charlie smiled and stopped.

“That's much better.” Mac grinned back.

The heart in Charlie's chest was feeling too much at this point to be able to reply, so he just smiled.

“You have a lot of feelings about this. I never knew you, or anyone else, would care about me that much.” Mac couldn't believe it, frankly.

“‘Course I do. I _am_ your best friend. Always have been. Sorry if sometimes recently I haven't been acting like it. I suck.”

“No, you don't. It's okay, Charlie.” Mac paused for a moment and sighed.

“What is it?”

“I asked Dennis about watching the tape.”

“Oh, yeah? What did he think? He didn't actually say anything to me about it.”

Mac frowned. “He didn't even watch all of it. He gave up. Said he didn't like dance.”

Charlie was disgusted by that, but not surprised. “What the fuck?”

“Yeah.” Mac started to tear up again, hating himself for doing so. “That really hurt.”

Charlie put a hand over Mac’s. “You need to get over him, man.”

“I am.” Mac sobbed. “I am. I promise. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

“It's okay. You'd be upset if anyone did that. It's a shitty thing to do. It's not just him.”

“True. Thanks, man.”

“That's okay.” Charlie smiled, moving his hand away from Mac’s. “Hug?” He held his arms out. Mac hugged Charlie and held him close.

“I hate these stupid feelings.” Mac voiced.

“I know.” He really did. “It'll all turn out fine.”

“I hope so.” Mac stayed in the hug for a short while as he stopped crying and eventually let go.

“Are you gonna see your dad again?”

Mac sighed and tucked his knees in, bringing them up to his chest. “I dunno. I guess I have to. But not for a while.”

“Yeah that makes sense. Probably for the best. Give him time.”

“Yeah. It's just really fucking tough. I don't know if I'll be able to see him at least for a while now.”

Charlie hummed and spoke. “Understandable.”

“Hey.” Mac spoke up after a while. “I dunno if I can go back to my apartment tonight. You know, with him there. So, can I stay here tonight?”

“Course you can, buddy. I'll just tell Frank to fuck off.”

“Thanks, man.”

The two spend the day and night together, in that bed, alone, talking about nothing and everything. At some point there were beers. Just being best friends, and it was great.

After that, Charlie got inspired and encouraged by Mac’s performance for his dad, about coming out himself. Although, again, Charlie didn't want to take away from Mac’s moment. His time. Mac was the only thing that mattered at the moment. So, he left it. And waited.


	9. 4 Months Later

4 months passed, and Charlie thought enough time had passed that he could come out. Only to Mac, though. He wasn't brave enough to do anything more. And he didn't want to make a big deal about it.

Though he wasn't sure what exactly he was coming out as. Charlie didn't really understand or know about labels, especially when it came to himself. All he knew that he liked Mac. Well, that he was in love with him. And had been since he was 10. Hasn't really loved anyone else since. He wasn't sure if he could be into girls the same way. 

Charlie also debated whether he should confess his love for Mac as well. Mac seemed to be over Dennis completely at this point. Plus, there was that small ray of hope that whatever feelings 15 year old Mac had for him, that caused that almost kiss, are still there now.

He held onto that moment. The only thing that could prove Mac felt anything for him and it happened over twenty five years ago. He thought about it a lot.

Charlie decided that he was going to set out and tell Mac everything. He hoped he would be able to say it, at least.

One day the rest of the gang apart from him and Mac were busy doing something, and Mac stayed in his apartment. Charlie thought this was the perfect opportunity to go over and talk to him.

He knocked on the door and Mac let him in. “Hey, dude what's up?” Mac asked.

“Um, I need to say something.” Charlie began, waking into the apartment.

Mac made his way to the couch, beer in his hand, only his second one of the day. “What is it?” He sat down.

Charlie joined him. “Um. I, Um..” He fumbled over his words, unable to get them out.

“Just say it, dude.”

“It's… kinda serious.” Charlie explained.

“Oh.” Mac voiced, realising the seriousness of the situation. He jugged the reminding last bit of his beer and set it down on the table. “Okay. Hit me.”

“I… fuck. Sorry, I don't know if I can say it.”

“It's fine, bro. It's only me.”

 _Yeah, that's the problem._

“Okay.” Charlie took a deep breath in and out. “I’m just gonna say it. This is so hard for me and I've been thinking about saying this for ages but I just, felt I had to wait. And you'll probably get why but oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this. But you doing what you did really got to me and made me have the courage to do this. Only to you though.”

“Charlie. Chill out. It's cool. Just say it.” 

“Well you just really inspired me with your whole coming out thing that I finally felt like I left it enough time where I can actually say…. I like dudes, too.” A flood of relief flowed over Charlie. 

Mac also felt huge relief at this too. He previously wondered if as children, he pushed Charlie away into being straight. 

“You're gay?” Mac asked for clarification. 

“I don't know. But I know that I'm into dudes.” 

“Wow, Charlie.” Mac smiled. “That's great.” 

“Yeah?” Charlie looked up at his best friend, extremely thankful. 

“Yeah. I'm so proud of you, dude. It's awesome you felt like you could come out to me.” 

Charlie let a huge breath that he was unknowingly holding in go. “Oh, thank fuck.” 

“Of course it's fine, dude.”

“Yeah, I dunno. Just don't tell the gang. I don't want it to be a _whole_ _thing_. No offence. I just had to tell someone and that had to be you.”

“I won't tell. Promise.” Mac stated then grinned widely.

“What?”

“Nothing. It's just, you've actually come out to me before. End of 10th grade.”

Charlie suddenly got a flashback to that notable moment. “Oh. Yeah, I guess I did.”

“I'm just glad I didn't push you into being straight your whole life when we were kids. Sorry. I was horrible.”

“I get why you did it, so it's okay.” Charlie explained.

“Doesn't make it right, though.”

Mac never really considered how much Charlie must have been hurting in all of this until now. He had no idea. He genuinely thought Charlie was straight and only did that because he was a drunk, high, horny teenager. Although that was decades ago, and the urge to be with him must have gone by now. Right?

“Well, it's all done with now.” More or less. “Oh. And, um…” Charlie tried to continue.

“What is it?”

Anxiety overwhelmed Charlie, now unable to say anymore. Not able to admit his feelings like he was planning on. “Uh, nothing.” He was sweating at this point, on the verge of a panic attack.

“It's something, bro. Are you okay?” Mac was concerned now.

“N-nothing. I'm finished.” Charlie panicked and frantically left, during a mild anxiety attack.  


Charlie was on the way back to his apartment, freaking out. He came across an open van that had a tank of gasoline in the back, right on the edge. So, he went over to it and ducked his head inside to inhale the fumes. This only lasted a few seconds as Charlie heard someone coming, he looked and saw it was the person that most likely worked in the van. So, he quickly left that area. A park was right around the corner, and Charlie decided he wanted to mess with the flowers instead of going home.

Back at Mac’s apartment, it took him a few minutes to get his head wrapped around what the hell just happened, and soon decided that he needed to find Charlie. He was worried that he, being Charlie, would do something stupid. Mac also knew that Charlie was about to say something else, and needed to know what it was.

At the park, Charlie sat next to an arrangement of flowers in the grass and started to pick at them. Charlie then harshly ripped out the daisies and other types of flowers and threw them back on the pavement next to him. Some grass came off too. Anger grew inside of Charlie as he was enraged with himself for lacking the bravery to not tell Mac how he felt.

On the way over to Charlie’s apartment, Mac saw that Charlie was actually sat next to a patch of grass and some flowers. For whatever reason, Mac didn't really care.

He quietly walked up to where Charlie was and sat down next to him.

Charlie didn't see him at first until he sat down. He looked up at Mac, but didn't say anything. Meanwhile, Mac noticed the dead flowers all over the ground and figured out what had happened.

“You can't pull out those flowers, Charlie.”

“Well, I just did.” Charlie looked at the ripped out flowers, avoiding eye contact.

Mac rolled his eyes. “ _I_ _mean,_ it's public property. So it's basically illegal, dude.”

“Is that why you came here? To tell me off?” Charlie looked up at Mac only for a second, looking slightly irritated.

“No. I-. Sorry. I came here to make sure you were okay.”

“I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?”

“Well you just came out to me, freaked out and left. I was worried you were going to do something dumb.”

Charlie wasn't going to tell Mac about the gasoline he just briefly inhaled. That would just make it worse. 

“I'm not dumb.” Was all Charlie replied to that.

“Sure. I was just concerned, bro. Also… What were you going to say before you left?”

“It's nothing.”

“It's obviously something. Tell me.”

“No…” Charlie still had his eyes on the ground.

“Why not? Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.”

“I can't… I don't know how. I don't know how to say it.”

"Can you try for me?" Mac spoke in a soft voice.

Charlie didn't say anything. He paused, looking up at Mac. Shuffling forward, he leaned in, and pressed his lips against Mac’s. Only for a second, and went back to sitting how he was.

“There...” Charlie started. “I didn't know how to say it. So, I showed you.”

"Oh…” Mac’s eyes were wide. But he was so relieved. “I don't know what to say, either. Guess I'll just…”.

Mac moved down to give Charlie a quick peck on the lips. “There.”

Charlie smiled at Mac’s action. "That's pretty fucking awesome.”

“Yeah, dude. Holy shit.” Mac was smiling like crazy too at this point.

They didn't say anything for a moment, just sat in a comfortable silence.

Charlie stared back at the torn off flowers and looked at them for a couple of seconds.

"I wanna eat them.” Charlie thought out loud.

"You can't eat the flowers, Charlie.”

"I'm gonna eat the flowers.”

" _Charlie_ , no.” Mac strictly spoke.

Charlie grabbed some of the flowers and ran off with them. As he was doing so he quickly put a few in his mouth that he then chewed on and swallowed.   
Mac followed, chasing him to grab the flowers, and pushed Charlie up against a brick wall. 

He grabbed his flower filled hand, and threw away the rest of the flowers and kissed Charlie, pushing him harder against the wall. This kiss was more passionate, both adding tongue, and lasted longer. Mac eventually pulled back and smiled.

“Tastes like flowers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think ♡


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